


Hiding In Plain Sight

by i_amthecosmos



Category: Descendants (Disney Movies)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Alcohol Abuse, Alcohol Withdrawal, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, chad has a problem, jay fucks up, minor mal/ben
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-06 00:28:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18377201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_amthecosmos/pseuds/i_amthecosmos
Summary: Jay tries to seem happy go lucky, but he always has a  bottle of something to help. Carlos and the others try to help him.





	Hiding In Plain Sight

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to those who liked my last fic, I feel welcomed. Here's another one. I wanted to write it, because we all know that one happy seeming jock who is actually self-medicating like crazy.

The island was a pit. All the food came from barges, and the rainy weather and bad soil made it impossible to grow anything. But if the Islanders were anything, they were resourceful.

Jay was five when he found out what the big pots and copper tubes were for. They seemed to be everywhere, as the goblins as well as a lot of other villains made homemade liquor out of whatever they could. When the barges came through in the morning, by that night the mash would be started and soon steam would be wafting through the air. As a kid, Jay always thought it was sort of festive.

He was eight when he first had a drink. Jace and Harry, Jasper and Horace’s sons, had found a bottle on the street and felt like sharing, even though they weren’t friends. The first swig hurt his throat and made his eyes water, but he took another one. And then another.

He had trouble remembering, but when he got too drunk to put up a fight, Jace and Harry shoved him to the street, kicked him a couple of times and then stole the stuff he had gotten that day. Jafar slapped him across the face when he eventually got home. 

“Don’t ever drink again! It makes people sloppy, and then you’ll get caught stealing! Don’t let me ever see you drunk again, or I’ll kick you out!”

Jay went to his room, locking the doors so his father couldn’t get in. (Well he could, but the extra seconds it would take for him to pick the lock would give Jay time to escape out the window.) He curled on his bed and swore he would never, ever drink again. It was stupid. It didn’t even taste good.

Who needed it?

…

He held on to that vow until he was about twelve. By this time his skills as a thief had gotten much better. So after a hard day stealing things for his father’s store, Jay liked to wind down by stealing some booze whenever he could. It was everywhere, after all.

At Dragon Hall, Dr. Facilier had his still in the basement of the school. Jay wasn’t stupid enough to steal from him, but on a good day, the principal let him have a small taste. His was the best on the Isle-Dr. Facilier knew chemistry. And if Jay did errands for him, he could get paid in bottles.

Jay still had to be careful to hide it from his father. He probably knew anyway-the Isle was small and full of gossips. But they pretended nothing was wrong and kept going.

Having booze on him made other things easier too, like girls. He got most of his conquests by just being charming, but having a bottle of something to sweeten the deal never hurt. And if a chance encounter left him feeling lonely, well, booze helped with that too.

...

Jay met Mal at Dragon Hall when he was about fourteen. She walked in like the owned the place, which made her instant enemies of almost everyone. Jay however, was grinning when she saw her strut through the halls, pushing younger students out of the way. 

At lunch, he decided to sit across from her. He plopped down and smiled into her scowling face.

“What? If you think you’re going to take my money or get into my pants, you’ve got the wrong fucking girl.”

“Then I guess I don’t have the wrong girl then,” he said, smirking. Mal looked at him, puzzled. “Hey, want to come to my dad’s store when I’m done for the day?”  
“No. Why are you trying to be nice to me?” Jay grinned wider.

“Because you managed to piss off more than half the school in one day, and scared the piss out of most of the others, and I like that in a person.”

Mal struggled not to smile then, and that was how Jay made his first real friend.

…

Mal was one of the best friends Jay could hope for. Sure, she was mean and bitter, but mostly with other people, not him. They spent a lot of time together, and sometimes she even helped out by stealing things for the store.

But she did have one flaw: she didn’t want to drink with him.

“I don’t like it,” she said, when he offered it. They were in the lair that Mal had laid claim to. “I got alcohol poisoning once. Or just poisoning-mom was sure it was a bad batch. I’m surprised you haven’t gone blind with some of the stuff these idiots make.” 

“Well, so far I’ve been lucky then.” He had a bottle of the principal’s good homebrew. He thought about using it as barter, but he always wound up drinking it. “This stuff’s good, you know.”

“I’m surprised you want to share,” she said. “How much do you drink?”

Jay frowned, looking at the bottle like it could tell him. “I don’t know. Until I fall asleep most nights.” He had a high tolerance now. 

“It doesn’t make you sloppy?” There was that same word, that his father used. Jay shook his head.

“I save it for after. It’s a treat, you know. My reward for doing all the shit dad wants me to. I wouldn’t do it when I’m out stealing shit.” That wasn’t always true. And Jay didn’t say it made a lot of other things bearable, like him being stuck on the Isle with a father who hated him and a mother he never knew. He didn’t like to talk about those things.

“Okay,” Mal said, in her voice that meant _I don’t really believe you but I’ll let this go for now_. “You know, I can get some blankets, make up a bed here if you need to crash. Some nights, I’m scared you’ll run into pirates on your way home.”

“I’d like that. I would like a place to stay other than the shop sometimes.” Jafar still hadn’t caught him red-handed, but he didn’t want him to. “I’m glad you found this place.” 

“Yeah, it’s good to get away.” Jay didn’t have to ask what she wanted to get away from. Jay drank the last of his bottle and wiped his mouth. “I might stay here tonight,” he said. 

“There’s not a bed,” Mal said, and Jay shrugged.

“I’ll sleep on the floor.” 

…

Mal and Jay were the Gruesome Twosome for a while, but then Evie showed up with Carlos in tow. Jay knew who Carlos was, Cruella’s whelp that she used as unpaid labor. He also used to run with Jace and Harry, but according to Evie that was done with. Carlos always looked scared and small, but he managed to get through class without getting his ass beaten every day. That alone made Jay think that he was more than met the eye. 

Evie and Mal became fast friends, which meant that Jay wound up spending time with Carlos. For a long time, Carlos only spoke when spoken to, not really telling Jay much of anything. Jay just let him be. He saw the bruises and dark circles under Carlos’s eyes, and knew that things were fucked at home. 

When Carlos managed to punch a hole in the magical barrier over the Isle, Jay got a friend crush on him. (That was what he called it anyway.) “You’re a fucking genius,” Jay said. “How come nobody knows that?”

“Because I never tell them,” Carlos said, smirking. He had started talking more and showing emotion around them. “Nobody expects anything from me. I like it that way.” Jay could only shake his head, grinning. 

“Okay, we need to celebrate,” Jay said. He had a couple of bottles hidden in their lair. “You want to drink with me?” 

“Uh. Well, I just have to be back at Hell Hall early. I have to clean the house. I don’t want a headache.” Jay inwardly cursed that none of his friends wanted to drink with him. Jay held up the bottle.

“You sure? It’s pretty good stuff, doesn’t burn much at all.” 

“No, I don’t think so. But, I’ll stay with you if you want.” Carlos went over to where there was a boombox with a CD player, and put on some music. Jay took a swallow out of the bottle while Carlos sat next to him. “So, I’m glad we became friends.”

“Yeah,” Jay said. “I’m glad you’re not as scared of me. You’re part of my group, you know I won’t hurt you.”

“I know that now,” Carlos said. After a few minutes, he started singing alone to the music, making Jay giggle. “Fuck you, my voice isn’t that bad.”

“It’s really not, I’m just drunk.” He’d had a few before he started this one. “I’ll crash here tonight. Are you going to stay, or…?”

“I’ll stay if I can get up in time to be home to clean up. I don’t want to walk home alone.”

“I can take you!” Jay struggled to stand up, then slumped back down. “Oh. Shit.”

“Yeah,” Carlos said. “I think I’ll stay.” Jay nodded, feeling useless. He was supposed to protect his gang. Now he couldn’t even stand, and he felt a bit guilty.

They went to sleep on the mattress a couple hours later, Carlos leading him to the mattress on the floor. He moved Jay so he was on his side, and put a bucket by him.

“I never puke,” he muttered.

“Shhh, let’s sleep,” Carlos said. Then he curled up behind Jay, and put his face in Jay’s neck, and they slept curled up together. Jay wanted to stay awake, to remember the feeling, but he passed out soon after.

…

When they get picked to go to Auradon, Jay couldn’t believe it. Good luck, for once. He promised his dad to help with their scheme, but mostly he thought about getting his freedom. When they arrived, it was beautiful, regimented, and cold. He could overlook all of that though-their rooms and the video games in them were amazing. 

“Look at us Carlos. If they could see us now, right?” He had temporarily forgotten about their mission. From Carlos’s expression, he could tell Carlos hadn’t. 

After they got back from their botched attempt at getting the wand, Jay went to bed, but he couldn’t sleep. At all. 

When he started shaking and sweating, he realized the problem. He hadn’t had a drink since they left that morning. And he had no idea how to find booze in Auradon. 

He easily sneaked out of the door and down the hall, but he had no idea what to look for. He walked around a while, but could find nothing. The school seemed to be an alcohol free zone. So he went back to the room. 

As he was splashing water on his face in the bathroom, he saw a bottle of some green liquid. “Alcohol content: 22%” was written on the bottle. He didn’t think twice. He straightened up, took off the cap and drank the whole vile minty tasting thing down. 

He could go to sleep after that.

…

During the day, Jay kept his mask on.

He was flirty, strong, looking out for No. 1 Jay all day. He discovered tourney and loved every minute of it. He loved the energy and being good at something that wasn’t stealing. He loved having Carlos on the team with him. 

He had all this happening on the surface. And beneath it, he was trying like hell to figure out how to get his next drink. 

He drank three more of those bottles of minty mouthwash stuff, which was disgusting. But he was desperate, he needed to find out how to get something. This whole school couldn’t be dry, could it?

He was in the locker room when Chad Charming came over. “What’s going on?” He said, sounding like a jackass as usual. “Your hands are shaking.”

“It’s nothing,” Jay said, and he pulled his shirt off. He didn’t want to admit weakness to anyone, much less Chad. 

“No, something’s wrong.” Chad’s voice dropped to a whisper, not drawing attention to them. “Are you sick?” Jay shook his head. “Wait...do you need something?”

“I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, Chad,” he said, and tried to shove past him. But he was tired, from practice and from not having a drink. He just felt wiped out. “Unless...what are you getting at?” 

“Come to my room,” Chad said. Jay figured he was walking straight into a trap, but he finished in the locker room and followed him. 

Chad’s room was nice, he noted. Full of great stuff to steal. If Charming didn’t hurry up with whatever he wanted to show Jay, he might not be able to help himself. But then Chad opened a safe in the corner of the room. 

Jay’s mouth dropped open when he saw the bottles. They looked amazing, and were full of dark and white liquids. “Is that…?” 

“Yeah. I’ve got quite a collection. I have some wine too, but that’s mostly for dates. Girls like wine.” Chad was flushing, seemingly embarrassed. “Look, I know we don’t get along, but if you want, I can share.” 

Jay’s brain screeched to a half. _Share?_ Like, with nothing given in return? What the fuck? “I...what do you want me to do? I could probably pay you.” Not true, he didn’t have a whole lot. Ben was sending them here for free. “Do you want something from me?”

Chad thought about it for a second, then went and got a fancy looking short glass and handed it to him. “Just drink with me. My old drinking buddy got caught and he was expelled. I just hate drinking alone, you know?”

“Yeah,” Jay said. “Trust me I do know.” He thought about how the only one of his chosen family would ever drink with him, and that was Evie. And she would stop after two, every time. “Let’s get wasted.” Chad grinned, and picked up one of the bottles of brown liquid.

“That’s what I like to hear.”

…

Carlos noticed pretty quickly that Jay was disappearing somewhere. “What’s going on? We’ve got homework.” 

“Don’t give a shit about that,” Jay said. He was trying to maintain the illusion that he was sober. “We’re going to get the wand, remember? So who cares.” He grinned, trying to project _Everything’s fine, nothing to see here._

Carlos didn’t seem to buy it. “Fine. You got enough energy for tourney, but not school Typical.” Jay frowned-Carlos seemed really mad. 

“I’m sorry. I’ll do better tomorrow.” Jay sat on his bed. “Want to play video games?” 

Carlos sighed, and ruffled Dude’s ears. “Maybe not now. I’m gonna review my homework and then get ready for bed.” 

Jay felt hurt. Carlos didn’t want to spend time with him? But Jay just picked up a book that he was supposed to have read six chapters of, and tuned Carlos out. The book was actually kind of interesting, and Jay lost track of time. 

It was a bit of a surprise when Carlos turned off his lamp. “Okay, going to bed. Night.” Jay looked over-they had barely talked all day. 

“Okay, goodnight.”Jay put his book on the nightstand and turned off the light. He was still pretty drunk, so he fell asleep in a few minutes. He had nightmares about the Isle all night. 

...

The next day, he also didn’t see much of Carlos until practice. “Looking good, Carlos,” Jay said when Carlos made some good plays. That got him a crooked grin, and Carlos ducking his head. Jay felt his stomach flip a little. Carlos always brought out his sentimental side.

Then tourney practice was over, and they hit the showers. Jay nearly went over to Carlos, to talk to him, see how he was doing. But Charming caught his eye, and made a bare nod of his head. Jay nodded back, and when he was dressed, heading out towards the prince’s room. 

He could see Carlos looking confused, but he didn’t say anything.

…

Drinking with Charming was all right. It really was better than drinking alone. But one problem, drunk Chad sure liked to talk. 

“I mean,” Chad said while he took another swig of his whiskey. “It’s just hard trying to live up to my dad, you know? I’m gonna be king soon, and there’s a lot to deal with. And I’ll have to pick a queen, and I’m not really seeing anyone seriously.”

Jay nodded. He didn’t bother talking about his lousy dad, Chad was in no condition to listen. And anything he told drunk Chad, sober Chad might repeat, if he remembered it. He just drank the fancy liquor that Chad got from home. It did taste a lot better than island homebrew. 

“Hey,” Chad said. “What’s up with you and Carlos?”

“We’re friends,” Jay said. Chad looked at him like he didn’t believe him. “We’re all friends.” 

“None of you date?” Chad took another big drink. 

“I kissed Mal once and then we both cracked up,” he said. “We just don’t like each other that way. She had a thing with Harry Hook once, but the less said about that the better.” Jay kicked himself-here he was giving information to the enemy, despite just saying he wouldn’t. “Actually, forget I said that.”

“I probably will,” Chad said. He looked at the bottle in his hand. “Are you done for the night? I think I am.” It was almost curfew.

Jay struggled to get up. “Fuck, gotta walk back to my room.” It wasn’t actually that far, but he had to appear sober and do it. 

Chad nodded. “Yeah, glad I don’t have a roommate right now. Oh, here-” he tossed a small bottle at Jay. Somehow he managed to catch it. “In case you’re thirsty later. It’s good to have one around. Okay, see you tomorrow.” 

“Yeah. See you.” Jay slipped the bottle into a pocket and headed to his room. When he got there, Carlos was there with Dude. “Hey,” he said. Carlos didn’t look up. “Carlos?”

“Why were you with Chad?” Carlos stared through him. “He doesn’t even like you.” Carlos got up, Dude trailing behind him, and stood close to him, in Jay’s space. “You’re drunk.”

“Yeah,” Jay said. He could lie to everyone, even Mal, but not to Carlos. At least not while he was this close. “I’m drunk. Chad likes to share.” He felt himself sway a little. “I need to sit down.” 

Carlos took his hand and guided him over to his bed. “I’m pissed at you,” Carlos said. “You’re spending time with Chad, who can’t stand us, just because he gives you free booze. That’s low.”

“Fuck you,” Jay said, and Carlos took a step back, the hurt washing over his face. “I used to steal it, if you don’t remember. What’s spending some time with an asshole because he likes to show off his booze collection? You wouldn’t believe what he pays for some of that, by the way.” 

“What are you telling Chad while you’re drunk off your ass, is the question,” Carlos said. “I’ve been here for hours, and you’d just been with Chad. You’re my friend, Jay. But I can’t compare to a jerk with a bottle. Thanks a lot.” 

“Carlos-” But Carlos had already turned and walked across the room. “Carlos I’m sorry. I’ll stop.” 

Carlos didn’t say anything, just went into the bathroom. Jay heard the water running as Carlos took his eyeliner off. Jay didn’t trust himself to walk over there, so he just stayed where he was. When Carlos came back out, he looked up at him. His face was scrubbed and his freckles were visible. “Carlos, don’t be mad at me.”

“I’ll be mad at you if I want. You’ve ignored me all week. Everyone’s been worried about you. The girls didn’t know what was going on.” 

“Are you going to tell them?” Jay thought about Mal’s reaction and saw his life flash before his eyes. “Please don’t tell them.” 

“I won’t. But you have to try to stop drinking. Things are getting out of control. And I should have talked to you when I realized you were drinking the mouthwash.” Carlos got closer, and put a hand on Jay’s waist. “Please. You’re scaring me.” 

“I’m sorry,” Jay said. Disappointing Carlos should be a crime. He expected so little, and somehow Jay managed to come up short. “How do I stop?” 

“I’ll research it, I’ll find some ways to help you,” Carlos said. He was standing close, right in front of Jay as he sat on the bed. Without meaning too, Jay started rubbing over Carlo’s hip. The soft cotton of his sleep pants felt good. 

Carlos looked down at him, eyes dark. Jay wanted to stand up, to kiss Carlos and let him feel it, how much Jay wanted him. How much he _needed_ him. 

But all he could do was move his arms, holding Carlos at his waist. Carlos brushed some of his hair back, and Jay wanted to cry. “Carlos...”

“We have to go to bed now,” Carlos said and Jay did cry then, one tear, from frustration. “You’re drunk Jay. We can’t do this now.” 

“Why not?” Jay looked up at him, all of his defenses gone. He couldn’t be cocky, not with Carlos turning him down. “Don’t, don’t do this to me, don’t reject me when I’m vulnerable, please...” 

Carlos dropped to his knees in front of him, looking at him in the eye. “I’m not. I swear I’m not. But we have to do this when you’re sober. I have to be sure. You understand that right?” Jay nodded, still crying. “It’s okay, it’s gonna be okay. But now we have to go to bed.” Then Carlos started pulling his boots off.

“Sleep with me?” Carlos paused. “Like when we were on the island. You would sleep with me sometimes at the lair.” Jay’s tears had dried up, and he wiped his eyes. “I just want you close. I’ve lost control of myself and I didn’t even know it.”

“I know.” Carlos helped him out of his shirt, and then Jay moved so he was lying down. Then he turned off the light and got in bed, holding Jay from behind. “I used to look up to you,’ Carlos said, and Jay closed his eyes. “That’s one reason I was so afraid to talk to you at first. But you never told me to go away, you always treated me like I should be there.”

“Because...you did,” Jay said. His head was fuzzy. He was going to sleep soon. “Sorry I fucked up.” Jay felt a kiss to his shoulder right before he passed out.

…

When Jay woke up the next day, he actually felt like he could do this. He took a hot shower, washed his hair and put it in a pony tail to dry, and went to class. Carlos walked with him to class, looking wary and protective. “I’ll look some stuff up at study,” Carlos said. Jay almost asked _Look what up?_ Everything was fine. 

That lasted until about lunch. Jay looked at the food available and suddenly wanted to puke. He felt like his mind was racing, and when he looked down, his hands were shaking again. The cafeteria seemed loud, and he thought everyone was staring at him. He ran out, heading for the bathrooms. 

He spit up bile, trying to figure out what to do next. He was craving, feeling like he was at the end of his rope. _The bottle, Chad gave me a bottle. Where is it?_ Jay wiped his mouth and left the stall. He was going to head to his room and find it.

He heading back to his room on shaky legs, and started going through his stuff. It had been in his pants, and he’d set it down at some point, he was sure. He went though his clothes, throwing them on the floor. Where was it?

“I threw it out.”

Jay turned. Carlos was there, staring at him with disgust. “I found it this morning, while you were in the shower. It’s gone.” 

Jay couldn’t think of anything to do, so he collapsed on his bed. “I need it, Carlos...I can’t go to tourney practice like this. I feel so sick. Carlos, you have to help me.” 

“I’m calling the girls,” Carlos said, and Jay saw red. Carlos was supposed to be his friend, and he was going to rat him out? 

“No!” Carlos started, and dropped the phone. _You just yelled at Carlos. You just acted like his mother. What is wrong with you?_ “Shit, Carlos, I’m sorry...” Carlos looked at him, scared. “Please.” 

“I’m getting Mal,” Carlos said. “You stay here.” Then he grabbed his phone and ran, slamming the door. Jay curled up on his bed, feeling himself shake. He couldn’t stop Carlos even if he wanted to. He just waited for whatever hell Mal would throw at him. 

He’d always loved his friends. He was going to miss them.

…

They got back sooner than he thought. By this time he was in a shaking ball, and he’d puked on the sheets a little. He started when he felt a cool hand on his forehead. “Mal?”

“You poor fucker,” she said, with real sympathy in her voice. “I thought getting off the Isle would help you. I was wrong.” 

“Don’t tell anyone,” Jay begged. “Don’t tell Coach, I don’t want to get kicked off. But you have to help me.” 

“Are there any spells for alcohol withdrawal?” That was Evie, who was standing by the door. Carlos was behind her, like he had been when they first joined their little gang. 

“I don’t know, most of these spells are for self-interest, not helping someone. I just….Ben. We gotta get Ben.” 

“What?!” That was Evie, Jay, and Carlos all at once. “What the hell, Mal?”

“I just thought...I think Jay needs a doctor, and maybe he can get us one without alerting the whole school. If FG finds out, we’ll be fucked. I don’t want Jay to have to go back, or lose his spot on the team. Does anyone else have a better idea?” She turned to look at everyone else. 

“Okay. I’ll get him then.” Then Evie smoothed down her skirt, and walked out the door. Jay closed his eyes at Mal kept touching his sweaty forehead. 

“He’s puked on himself,” she said. “Maybe we need to clean him up.” 

“I can hear you,” Jay said. “Do you think this is the worst part?” 

“I did some research, it can get a lot worse, but usually it doesn’t,” Carlos said. He carefully sat on the other edge of the bed, out of reach but still there. “I should’ve said something before you left for class. But I guess I hoped you’d be okay.” 

“What made you think that?” Jay said. “I know I try hard to make it look like I know what I’m doing, but...” he started shaking again. “Shit.” 

“Carlos, get Jay a wet cloth. Maybe two, we should clean that puke up a little. That might help.” Jay opened his eyes to watch Carlos head for the bathroom. Mal bent down to look at Jay, her hair falling in her face a little. “You’re gonna be okay.” 

“I failed you,” he said in a hoarse whisper, and she shook her head, angry. 

“Nope. We failed you. I should have done something about this ages ago. I knew you had a problem when we met. But I just let it go on. I tried to help, I thought if you had a safe place to crash you would slow down, or if you felt needed. But it didn’t work.”

“You couldn’t have stopped me,” Jay said. “It’s not your fault.” Then Carlos was back, dabbing his forehead with the cloth. Mal started blotting the sheets. “Thank you. Carlos, I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

“I’m so going to kick your ass later,” Carlos said, and Jay managed to smile at that. Then they just waited, Mal holding Jay’s hand. After a while, Evie came back. 

“Ben’s on his way, he’s bringing a doctor,” she said. “Ben wants to know where Jay got the booze.”

“I’m not telling-” Jay didn’t even get to finish.

“Charming,” Carlos said. Jay watched as Carlos leaned in closer. “He got it from Charming. It seems that Chad likes to have a drinking buddy.” Jay watched as Mal stood up, eyes flashing green. 

“Mal,” Jay said. “Whatever you’re thinking of, don’t. You can’t get kicked out, please...” But she was out of the room. Jay heard her stomping down the hall. “Oh fuck, he’s dead.” 

“Good,” Carlos said. “He’s an asshole.” Evie nodded.

“Not really,” Jay said between deep breaths.“When we’d drink? All he talked about was the pressure of living up to his dad. How does that make him different that us? He’s really not.” Jay didn’t really want to have sympathy for Chad either, but it was true. Chad was just trying to make it. 

“He’ll turn on you to keep himself from getting caught,” Carlos said. “Just let Mal deal with him, he won’t dare try to fuck you over after that.”

“He did say his last drinking pal was expelled,” Jay said. “Didn’t sound like Chad did anything to help him.” He was starting to feel less nauseous, but still shaky. “I hope that doctor gets here soon.” Carlos turned on the TV, putting the volume low for background. 

Ben and the doctor finally arrived a while later. Ben bent down to look him over, and the doctor said “So I hear you’re having alcohol withdrawal symptoms. How long have you been drinking?” He sounded awfully casual about it.

Jay didn’t want to talk about this, but he figured he had no choice. “First drink at eight. I started drinking every night around twelve or thirteen.” He heard Evie and Ben gasp, and didn’t look up. 

“That’s quite a long time.” Jay looked up, surprised. The doctor sounded sympathetic, not disgusted. “So you’re having nausea, shaking, and what else? Anxiety, racing thoughts?” Jay nodded. “But no seizures,?” Jay shook his head, horrified. _Seizures?_

The doctor looked him over, taking his pulse and listening to his heart. “I've brought some samples with me. You’re going to take some of these for the nervousness and to help with sleep, and some other medication for the physical symptoms. But what you really need to do, is stop drinking. And in a couple of weeks, come see me so we can do some tests for long-term damage. You seem like a healthy young man in many ways, but there could very well be damage to your organs. Can you do that?”

“I don’t know. I’ll try sir.” Jay felt ashamed. But the doc just put a reassuring hand on his shoulder, wrote him some prescriptions, and then gave him the samples and some little booklets on how to quit drinking. Then he was gone. Ben stayed though.

Ben sat down on Carlos’s bed. “Jay, just let me know if there’s anything I can do. Some people go to meetings to stop, but we can’t do that here. Do you want me to talk to Coach-”

“No. No way,” Jay shook his head. “I don’t want to disappoint him, and I don’t want to lose my spot. And if he knows, than all the teachers do.” Carlos went to get him a glass of water, and Jay slowly sat up. “Okay, let’s try this.”

He took the medications in a couple of gulps, and then closed his eyes. “Does anything else help?”:

Ben looked at the rest of them. “You need some time to heal. I can cover for you, say that you’re sick. At least this way, you can have a few days to get used to being without it. Um, where’s Mal?”

They all looked at each other. Jay said “She found out who was giving it to me and has gone to put a boot up his ass.” 

“Yeah,” Ben said with a nod. “Charming, right?” They all gaped and Ben just shook his head. “Everyone knows it, everyone. But nobody does anything because he’s a prince. There’s not really any way to handle it except kick him out, and his parents give the school too much money.”

They all stayed quiet for a minute. “Guess some things are the same all over,” Carlos said, and Jay nodded. 

“I’m mad though, he knew I could get expelled if I was found out,” Jay said. “Meanwhile he knows nothing will happen to him.” He still felt sorry for Chad, but he also hoped that whatever Mal was doing hurt.

Just then the door swung open. “So now Charming knows to keep his booze collection away from you or else I’ll-oh hi Ben.” Jay watched as Mal, of all people, got flustered. Wow, something had been going on when he was too busy getting fucked up. “Um, I was just-”

“You were protecting your friend. It’s okay.” Ben smiled at her, and then there was an awkward moment of them blushing and looking away. “So,” Ben said as he stood up, “I can get you all some time, tell everyone that Jay is sick and needs to spend a few days in his room, and see a doctor. I can’t do much longer than that though.”

“Maybe that will be long enough,” Evie said. Jay wasn’t sure-he’d been drinking for a very long time.

“I hope so. Anyway, I have to go now. I’ll see you later Mal.” She smiled, and Jay looked over at Evie, trying to figure out what was going on. She just shrugged.

“Bye,” Mal said, then she straightened up. “Okay, we’ll have to get a schedule up for who sits with Jay while he kicks.”

“No, wait, fuck you, I don’t need a babysitter.” Jay struggled to get up. He was still shaking and sweaty though, so he stopped at sitting. “I can do this myself.”

“No you can’t,” Carlos said. “I don’t want you sneaking off or drinking the mouthwash again.” Carlos then looked at the girls, then Jay. Finally he reached over and held Jay’s hand. “Let me try to help. Let us all help, okay?” 

“Jay, you have puke in your hair. You aren’t in a great position to say no,” Mal said. Jay didn’t say anything. “Soon as you feel better, take a shower. And we can leave you and Carlos for a while. ‘Los, text me and tell me when you need me. Same with Evie.”

“You have school to go to,” Jay said, but it was half-hearted. “And I hate missing practice. But maybe I need to.” He thought about how wiped and tired he would be after practice. That couldn’t be normal. “I don’t know if I can stay here for a few days. I’ve never been good at being cooped in.”

“That’s why we’ll be here with you,” Evie said. “Don’t worry, we’ll make it fun.” Jay didn’t think that was possible, but he smiled at her anyway.

…

The next few days were somewhere between terrifying and boring. Jay spent most of his time playing video games. Between that, Carlos would show him stuff he found online about drinking. There were pills you could take to help, but there was also other methods more related to willpower. 

In some ways, Jay felt like a protective skin had been ripped off. Now he had to deal with shit, like emotions, and other people. He didn’t like it one bit. Auradon was already exhausting, he couldn’t deal with this sober. He wasn’t sure how anyone could.

The medications he was taking for withdrawal did seem to help. He didn’t feel nauseous and he could sleep. It didn’t help the nightmares though. Also, he was craving the fuck out of sweets.

“That’s an actual side effect,” Carlos said, looking at his computer. “Your body’s used to simple carbs, and it’s not getting them from alcohol, so you want candy.”

“Shut up and give me another chocolate bar.” Carlos threw one at him. “Thanks.” He munched on it, staring ahead. “What else should I do? I have to leave this room soon.” 

“I’m working on some stuff for you, like things to tell yourself. But I have to know why you started drinking.”

Jay looked over. Carlos wasn’t that dumb. “You know why. All four of us know why. We were born in a prison to parents that hated us. My dad made me his little thief so he could resell everything I got. And he hated drinking, so of course I had to. And then everything went to shit before I knew it.”

Carlos nodded. “I was always afraid to start. You know, I saw what it did to my mom. That’s why I never drank with you. Sometimes I wanted to, because I knew you hated drinking alone.” Carlos moved over then, sitting next to Jay on the floor. He curled into Jay’s space then, and Jay let him. Carlos had his head on Jay’s shoulder, and Jay played with his hair, scratching through the curls.

They still hadn’t talked about what happened the night Carlos confronted him. Jay wasn’t sure how to. But Carlos felt right, curled next to him, and he dropped a kiss on his forehead without thinking about it.

“Oh. That’s-that’s nice,” Carlos said. Jay looked over, and Carlos was wide-eyed, but didn’t seem all that scared. Jay knew that he should kiss Carlos now, kiss him like he did all those girls so many times. But suddenly, he was nervous. No, scratch that, he was scared. So he just stared back at Carlos, wondering what to do.

“Hey,” Carlos said. “Are you okay?”

“I froze up,” Jay whispered. “I never do that.” Carlos was still right there, beautiful pouty lips inches from his, and he couldn’t move. “What do I do?”

Carlos paused, then leaned in. Jay’s eyes slid closed as Carlos kissed him. It was nervous and a bit dry, but he didn’t care. Carlos moved his hands to Jay’s shoulders and kept kissing him. Jay moved his arms to support Carlos as he climbed into Jay’s lap. 

“Oh fuck,” Jay said as Carlos kissed his neck, nuzzling. “Carlos...” Jay realized he was trembling again, but not from withdrawal. It was just from this, from his sweet boy taking initiative and touching him. 

“Should I stop?” Carlos looked at him with those dark eyes and Jay was so close to saying _Just do it, whatever it is_. But that would scare him, so Jay kissed him softly, rubbing his back. “I mean, you are shaking.”

“I’m all right, but maybe we can keep it like this.” He didn’t need more, not right then. This wasn’t like the rushed encounters he’d had before. It was sweet and soft. “I like this, a lot.”

“I’m not very experienced,” Carlos said, and Jay shrugged. He didn’t care. “And, I might need to leave soon. I’ve got class and Evie’s coming by in a few minutes. She wants to give you a makeover.” 

“One day we’re gonna have to tell her that everything can’t be solved with a hair treatment and nail polish.” Carlos was still in his lap, legs on either side of his body. “But, if you have to go, maybe you should move before I get too turned on.” 

Carlos flushed red and scrambled off, and Jay sprawled to the floor, grinning. Then he realized, he hadn’t thought about drinking the entire time Carlos had been kissing him. He normally thought about drinking all day, every day. But not then. 

“Um, you okay?” Carlos was staring at him. Jay nodded, but couldn’t think of what to say. “Oh, I have to go now. I’ll see you.”Carlos put on his shoes and jacket, and then knelt in front of him. “Can I kiss you again?”

Jay looked at him, and smiled. “Yeah, please.” Carlos grinned and then leaned down for another kiss, then left. Jay watched him go, and then stared at the ceiling while he waited for Evie. 

…

Carlos came back after a few hours. Evie had given him a makeover, consisting of a face mask and then a manicure. She also tried to subtly ask if him and Carlos were hooking up. She hadn’t forgotten the hand holding earlier. Jay told her nothing. 

When Carlos came back, he just walked in and started on his homework. Jay didn’t know why he was being standoffish, but he just sat on his bed and watched TV. After a while, he looked over to see Carlos chewing on his pen top. “Hey,” Jay said. “You okay?” 

“Yeah,” Carlos said, but it sounded far away. “Just thinking about school.” Jay didn’t believe him. “You’re going to have to go back tomorrow,” Carlos said. “Are you ready?”

“I’ll never be. Might as well do it now.” Jay slowly moved closer to Carlos, sitting on his bed while he looked at his notes. “Is that what you’re worried about?” Carlos didn’t look over. “Babe?”

“I’m okay. It’s just weird. I didn’t know we’d kiss.” Carlos met his eyes then. “Maybe I’m not ready to trust it. You’re newly sober and everything.”

“Did you ever think about it, back on the Isle?” That made Carlos look up. “Because I did. When we’d sleep in the same bed, I’d want to kiss you before you fell asleep.” He still wondered why he didn’t just do it. The booze was probably a factor.

“I…yeah,” Carlos said. “But I was so little back then, and scared. I’m glad we waited. But you really wish you’d tried it back then?”

“Been more affectionate at least.” Jay said. “Maybe that’s why after you finally got over being scared of me, I would toss you around for fun.” They called it roughhousing here. Jay thought it was as good a term as any.

“Yeah, that’s fun,” Carlos said. “I like it because you never really hurt me. When Jace did stuff like that, he always got a real hit or pinch in. I hope he stays on the island forever.” 

“Did I tell you Jace got me drunk the first time?” Carlos looked up, wide-eyed. “Yeah. Little shit. Robbed me too. It’s not his fault I started drinking, but it was pretty early.” Carlos moved over closer, putting an arm around him. “Fuck Carlos, what am I gonna do tomorrow?”

“Well,” Carlos said, rubbing his back in a small circle. “You’re going to get up, go to class, and try your best. You’re also going to avoid Mal for a day or two-Charming is trying to spread a rumor that she got gangbanged by pirates on the Isle.”

“Motherfucker.” Chad had remembered after all. Jay turned and kissed Carlos’s cheek. “You’ll be with me right? As much as you can.”

“Of course. I’ll make sure to sneak you a lot of chocolate too.” Carlos returned the cheek kiss, which made Jay feel warm inside. Maybe having emotions again wasn’t so bad after all. They sat like that for a few more minutes, until Carlos had to go back to his homework.

Jay did a few of his assignments that Carlos bought him, and then they went to bed. Jay still had trouble sleeping without a drink, but he took his medicine and curled up. 

…

The next day was horrible. Everything was too bright and too sharp. He felt lost in the crowd, and having goddamned emotions was almost too much. He nearly started crying in class as they watched a movie version of Romeo and Juliet. He couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

When he went to tourney practice, Coast Jenkins pulled him aside before he started. “I just want to check in on you, Jay,” he said. “Are you feeling better now?” 

“Yeah,” Jay said, relieved. “You know, bad flu.” He had no idea what Ben had told Coach he had, but he decided he would stick to that. “I’m doing a lot better.” 

“All right. I just wanted to make sure you were up to practice today. If you want to sit out, you can.” Jay shook his head. “Okay. I just want you to know, I’m glad to have you back.” Jenkins stared at him, looking protective. “And...you can get through this.” There was a pause.

Holy shit. Coach Jenkins _knew_. How? Jay decided not to say anything, but he swallowed a lump in his throat, tears stinging his eyes. Coach looked at him for another minute, then nodded and moved on. “Go join the others. They’ve missed you.” 

Jay did, but he sat there for another few minutes. He wondered if this was what unconditional support felt like. He got that from his friends, of course, but from...someone who could be like a father? That was new. 

Then he got up, stretched his arms overhead, and went to practice.

…

Coach wasn’t kidding-everyone on the team did seem to have missed him. Afterward he got a lot of pats on the back and hands on shoulders. The only one who didn’t greet him was Charming, who instead stared at Jay like he’d betrayed him. 

Jay figured that maybe had, far as Chad was concerned. He’d left Chad without a drinking partner and Mal had probably threatened him within an inch of his life. He still felt sympathy for Chad, but he had to fix his own life now. 

He looked over to Carlos, who nodded and stood by him. Chad looked at both of them, then cursed under his breath.

He left the locker room without saying a word to him. He could feel Chad’s eyes glaring at his back when he left. 

…

When Jay got back to his room, he felt relieved, but also nervous. Carlos had to beg off to go to the library. He texted the girls, but they were busy too. Looked like the ‘keep Jay from being alone’ part of kicking was over.. It was just him, not something he felt ready to deal with. So he just got the video game controller and spent the next hour shooting things. It helped.

When Carlos came back, Jay was reading some of the little booklets and notes about alcoholism they had gathered. “Hey,” Carlos said. “How are you?”

“I’m glad I’m here,” Jay said. “Glad you’re here too. Can we order pizza? I can’t deal with leaving our room to eat right now.” 

“Yeah, you might be hibernating a lot,” Carlos said. “It’s normal.” Jay wanted to say that nothing was normal right now, but Carlos already had his phone out. He ordered the pizza, getting lots of Jay’s favorite toppings. “There. Did you eat anything else today?”

Jay’s nerves were raw, and he almost snapped at Carlos. But instead he took a deep breath. He didn’t want to upset him again. “I had breakfast, you saw that. I had one of those granola bar things you keep in your nightstand. And I had some fruit before Tourney. But I guess you wouldn’t consider either of those a meal.”

“Not really. Eventually we should be getting you healthier meals so your body can heal, but we don’t have to do that now. Getting you to eat at all is more important.” Carlos was still looking at his phone, and pacing. 

‘Los, come over here. Sit by me?” Jay wondered why Carlos was so on edge. Carlos looked over at him, and Jay sat on the edge of his bed. Jay was just wearing sweatpants, and he saw Carlos’s eyes drop to his chest. Finally Carlos came to sit by him.

“Are you okay?” Jay wondered why Carlos seemed so nervous. “Is this about us kissing?” Jay went to put an arm around Carlos. Carlos didn’t stop him or flinch away. In fact, he didn’t move. “Do you want us to stop it?” 

“I don’t want to stop, but maybe we should,” Carlos said. Jay stared at him, wondering what the hell kind of logic that was. “I’ve just been reading,” Carlos said. “And one of the thing it says, is for people who are quitting drinking, to hold off on getting involved in romantic relationships for at least a year.”

“What the fuck? Why?” Jay moved his arm then, because what if Carlos was just making this up? Because he decided he didn’t want Jay after all? “I don’t understand. I mean, you do like me right? This isn’t a way to let me down easy?” 

“Of course I like you. I told you that you were my hero for years. And I love how hard you’ve been working to change stuff that hurts you.” Carlos still wasn’t looking at him. “But what if you start again, because you can’t deal with the stress? Of being with me? I mean, the book says to basically don’t many any major decisions for a while, and a new relationship is that.”

“Fuck the book. They don’t know shit about us.” Carlos looked over, bewildered, and Jay leaned in and kissed him hard. 

Carlos didn’t react at first, but then he kissed back. Jay put his hands on either side of Carlos’s face, until Carlos opened for him. Then their tongues touched, and Jay had to fight to keep himself from just pushing Carlos back on the bed. Instead, Jay pulled back. “Because you know what? You know fucking what? This isn’t a new relationship. This has been something between us for a long ass time. Just because we didn’t act on it until now doesn’t mean it didn’t exist.”

Carlos flushed, his skin turning pink. Jay wanted to kiss him again. “But, it’s changed. It’s changing, because we never did this before. And that still counts as something new, doesn’t it? And it’s not like I’m turning you down, we can wait. We’ve waited this long.” 

“I don’t want to wait,” Jay said. “I’m finally having emotions again, I can _feel_ things without booze getting in the way. I want to feel things with you. I know you’ll be by my side in this even if we’re not together as a couple, but I want you this way. I really do.”

“I just want you to be okay, I don’t want to hurt you…” Jay almost kissed him again, but he didn’t want to influence Carlos more than he already had. “What if we break up? What if we stay together but it’s too much? What if we fight and you fall off the wagon?”

“What if we let ourselves love each other?” Jay realized that was a line he would have never crossed on the island. From the way Carlos’s eyes bugged out, he knew it too.“What if for once in our miserable fucking lives, we just try to be happy? I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of how I used to live. Just take a chance, Carlos. Please.” He reached out to touch Carlos again.

Carlos closed his eyes as Jay tipped his face up. Jay softly brushed his thumb over Carlos’s eyebrows, his cheek. Then Jay pulled Carlos into his arms. “Let’s stay here,” Jay said. “Fuck the wand. I don’t think Mal wants it anymore either. They’ll never reach us here. And we can be whatever we want. We can be free.” 

“Is it that easy?” Carlos was clinging to him, but in true stubborn form, was still trying to come up with reasons why not. “We don’t know what’s going to happen. Most of Auradon hates us. It probably won’t work.”

Jay kissed Carlos again, possessive, and then stared into his eyes. “But if we go back, we know exactly what’s going to happen. So we’ll stay here, okay? Just help me. We can do it. Have some faith.” That was an Auradon word, not something you’d ever hear on the Isle. 

Carlos scoffed, but he came in for a kiss. “I don’t know if this is a good idea,” he said. “But...okay. Yes.” 

“All right.” Jay kissed him again, even though he was grinning against Carlos’s mouth. He felt happy, intensely so. This much emotion could shatter him if he had to deal with it alone. But he could do this with Carlos. He knew he could.


End file.
